Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize