is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize