oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
