Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
