So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
you're hired as official boob wrangler
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
