im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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