Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
