I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
