my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize