If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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