My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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