i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
