toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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