You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
