Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize