I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
