He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
