This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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