I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
