You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
