Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I have fence marks all over my body
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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