just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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