hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
is wine microwaveable?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
