I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
you never un-have a 4some
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize