I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
