The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Randomize
