I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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