i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
