So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
