What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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