You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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