Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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