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you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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