i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
