a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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