Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
