Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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