I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Randomize
