thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
