...so i touched it.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Congratulations! We have a period
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize