A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
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