so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
