Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
