I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
