im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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