Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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