K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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