it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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