uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
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