About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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