I'm going to jail i love you
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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