Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Randomize
