Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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