If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Did I show you my penis last night?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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