My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
