He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
