He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
