I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club š
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
You couldnāt remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders āunlimited hand frittersā if they wouldnāt cut you off.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
