Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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