Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
