Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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