true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
