I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
