i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
