I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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