Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
