You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
