We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
