Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
