went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
