The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
