Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
