Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize